By Jacques Sprenger
Few experts in education would disagree that modern children lack proper discipline. One of the many causes lies in the new role that women play in society. They work outside the home and spend little time with their children as compared to traditional women in the 50's. Some mothers will argue that when they get home, they are too tired to really enforce the rules. They will also state that they have no choice: The cost of living has risen so much that one salary will simply not suffice; finally, they argue with some justice that they are entitled to a career just as much as men.
So how can we obtain the necessary discipline from our children nowadays? As a high school teacher I have observed that most students fail academically because they simply have no idea how to organize their time. When they leave school, they leave everything behind, including their learning. Their free time is spent with buddies, watching TV, or partying with the girlfriend. Homework has become an anachronism. Studying outside of the school is simply not done and the main cause is the lack of discipline. Parents don't have time to check or simply don't have the skills to help with certain subjects.
The consequences of a lack of self-discipline can be catastrophic. What kind of job will tolerate coming in late and/or not being prepared to deliver projects on time? The only way a teen will learn self-discipline is in the military, where sergeants have all the power to impose their will, unlike parents and teachers. So it stands to reason that the learning process must start in childhood, preferably in pre-school with the support of parents. Since they don't have the time to impose discipline, the teachers must take over with the parents' consent. But on many occasions, irate mothers complain about schools' punishments, especially toward small children. They fail to see that they themselves have created a spoiled little brat.
There are other causes for the the lack of self-discipline in children: Television fare is hardly conducive towards role models. The main message is Buy, Sell, Make Money, Have Sex and Be Self-Indulgent. What kind of society makes a spectacle out of eating hot dogs and applauds the 'winner'? What kind of society glorifies two men beating each other to a pulp inside a cage? What kind of society watches with perverse delight the Jerry Springer show?
We are creating a new generation of obese, lazy, and self-indulgent individuals who refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They sue the tobacco companies for their own addiction, as if somebody had put a gun to their heads to start smoking. They sue McDonald's for being fat after years of gorging themselves with fatty food. The nutty judge sues the dry cleaner for millions for a lost pair of pants. Pretty soon children will sue their parents for giving birth to them!
We must return to the old values of the 50's:
1.Enforce your threats of punishment. There is nothing worse than a mother who constantly tells her kids that she will take away television time and doesn't come through.
2.Establish a timeline for every activity: Home from school means homework time, no ifs and buts. To bed at 9:00 o'clock does not mean 9:10 or 9:30. On week-ends parents must limit their younger children's TV time to 2 hours a day at the most. Find constructive activities for them outside the house.
3.Make sure you and your husband agree on discipline, so kids won't be able to divide and conquer.
4.If you leave the kids with grandma or a maid, ask them to enforce the rules.
5.Kids love discipline, believe it or not. They know you are doing it because of love, not anger.
6.Punishment must be immediate or as soon as possible. They must understand that you won't tolerate bad behavior. But it must also fit the 'crime'; excessive or unfair punishment will cause resentment and will only drive them to more bad behavior. Above all, do not rule by fear; it is extremely destructive to the self-esteem of children.
7.Support your teachers' decisions, even if you don't agree with them. If you don't, your child will use you as a weapon against the teacher.
8.Be fair with all siblings; any sign of favoritism will cause internecine wars inside the family. The same 'crime' must derive into the same punishment.
9.Most important: Reward good behavior as often as possible. "Since you behaved very well all week, I am going to take you to x spectacle, or buy you the video game you want so bad." Of course, not every reward has to be material. A gesture of affection, a kiss, a hug, they all work very well.
10.Listen to your children; what they say is important to them if not to you. They deserve all your attention. Forget the phone for a moment or the TV. Concentrate on what they want to confide. A good communication is essential in rearing children.
Few experts in education would disagree that modern children lack proper discipline. One of the many causes lies in the new role that women play in society. They work outside the home and spend little time with their children as compared to traditional women in the 50's. Some mothers will argue that when they get home, they are too tired to really enforce the rules. They will also state that they have no choice: The cost of living has risen so much that one salary will simply not suffice; finally, they argue with some justice that they are entitled to a career just as much as men.
So how can we obtain the necessary discipline from our children nowadays? As a high school teacher I have observed that most students fail academically because they simply have no idea how to organize their time. When they leave school, they leave everything behind, including their learning. Their free time is spent with buddies, watching TV, or partying with the girlfriend. Homework has become an anachronism. Studying outside of the school is simply not done and the main cause is the lack of discipline. Parents don't have time to check or simply don't have the skills to help with certain subjects.
The consequences of a lack of self-discipline can be catastrophic. What kind of job will tolerate coming in late and/or not being prepared to deliver projects on time? The only way a teen will learn self-discipline is in the military, where sergeants have all the power to impose their will, unlike parents and teachers. So it stands to reason that the learning process must start in childhood, preferably in pre-school with the support of parents. Since they don't have the time to impose discipline, the teachers must take over with the parents' consent. But on many occasions, irate mothers complain about schools' punishments, especially toward small children. They fail to see that they themselves have created a spoiled little brat.
There are other causes for the the lack of self-discipline in children: Television fare is hardly conducive towards role models. The main message is Buy, Sell, Make Money, Have Sex and Be Self-Indulgent. What kind of society makes a spectacle out of eating hot dogs and applauds the 'winner'? What kind of society glorifies two men beating each other to a pulp inside a cage? What kind of society watches with perverse delight the Jerry Springer show?
We are creating a new generation of obese, lazy, and self-indulgent individuals who refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They sue the tobacco companies for their own addiction, as if somebody had put a gun to their heads to start smoking. They sue McDonald's for being fat after years of gorging themselves with fatty food. The nutty judge sues the dry cleaner for millions for a lost pair of pants. Pretty soon children will sue their parents for giving birth to them!
We must return to the old values of the 50's:
1.Enforce your threats of punishment. There is nothing worse than a mother who constantly tells her kids that she will take away television time and doesn't come through.
2.Establish a timeline for every activity: Home from school means homework time, no ifs and buts. To bed at 9:00 o'clock does not mean 9:10 or 9:30. On week-ends parents must limit their younger children's TV time to 2 hours a day at the most. Find constructive activities for them outside the house.
3.Make sure you and your husband agree on discipline, so kids won't be able to divide and conquer.
4.If you leave the kids with grandma or a maid, ask them to enforce the rules.
5.Kids love discipline, believe it or not. They know you are doing it because of love, not anger.
6.Punishment must be immediate or as soon as possible. They must understand that you won't tolerate bad behavior. But it must also fit the 'crime'; excessive or unfair punishment will cause resentment and will only drive them to more bad behavior. Above all, do not rule by fear; it is extremely destructive to the self-esteem of children.
7.Support your teachers' decisions, even if you don't agree with them. If you don't, your child will use you as a weapon against the teacher.
8.Be fair with all siblings; any sign of favoritism will cause internecine wars inside the family. The same 'crime' must derive into the same punishment.
9.Most important: Reward good behavior as often as possible. "Since you behaved very well all week, I am going to take you to x spectacle, or buy you the video game you want so bad." Of course, not every reward has to be material. A gesture of affection, a kiss, a hug, they all work very well.
10.Listen to your children; what they say is important to them if not to you. They deserve all your attention. Forget the phone for a moment or the TV. Concentrate on what they want to confide. A good communication is essential in rearing children.
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